Well I actually had something happen that I think I need to think about. Funny, because as soon as it happened, I thought wow if I blogged about it, I think I could compile my thoughts better. Keep in my mind that although this may help me compile my thoughts, you're kind of witnessing the messy brainstorming.
So Sunday I went hometeaching, and the girl I was interested in (who lives in the same apartment as the girls I home teach) is sitting there with what really seems to be a boyfriend. Not wanting to judge, I just kind of let it be. Monday I found a note on my door from the same girl. HAHA kind of my first Dear John, anyways she apologized for having me found out of her boyfriend like that, and then said some nice things, and asked to be friends and that she wanted to build trust again. It is hard to explain what I felt after reading the note. I definelty wasn't angry. I was a little down but not sad. I felt a little like I had missed an opportunity, but it wasn't a goodbye for ever. Just kind of like saying good bye to someone before summer... like it could come back. Now I have been thinking, and is this what I should have felt? Should I feel angry? Should I feel sad? If there has been a theme to my life this last little while it seems to be dealing with trials. I can look back over my life and identify some pretty rotten things to deal with if I wanted to. Divorce, seriousness medical problems, not attaining goals, failing in some areas... but with trials I don't really get mad, angry, or sad.
I remember on my mission, having companions that I felt didn't didn't have balance emotionally. I felt like I had it on both sides of the emotional spectrum, ones where they were so happy that appeared to be fake, and ones so negative that it seemed to carry no light with them. I don't think either of them had the correct outlook. What I fear now is have I become the overly happy one?
No.
The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that my outlook on life is a product of the emotional growth, and what I think a healthy state of how I feel towards the world. I had a friend that told me once (paraphrased), "I feel unfulfilled with my life to this point, but at the same time, I don't know if there is anything that I did that I would change or do differently." This was on my mind this morning. What would I change about my life today, if I were looking back on it from the future. I came up with a few things.
1. Being more open with my feelings towards life and others.
It still makes me laugh at myself, that a blog can help me acheive this goal. I just don't write my thoughts down very often. However, I think sharing my feelings is essential towards communicating better, which is really I guess what this goal ultimately is. The past year's realtionship possibilties is really weird. I haven't had a girlfriend all year, which is the first time I can say that for a long time (Mission time mostly exluded... hehehe). I can think of several girls who expressed interest in me, and I ignored it. I can also consequently think of girls that I have had interest in and haven't felt it returned, or at least recognize it. Looking back I have both expected too much, too early in realationships, as well as discarded relationships prematurely that had potential looking back. A common error in all these was not communicating my feelings well enough. This is going to be a New Year's resolution type thing for me COMMUNICATE BETTER!!
2. Exercise Chubs!
So, I have never exercised so little over a period of time in my life!! I'm lucky not to way 432 pounds! I am asking for a gym membership for christmas and will buy one if I don't get one. I didn't exercise in the beginning of the semester because of my eye, but later on just didn't play sports as much. I'll be stronger than an ox on Human Growth Hormone in no time!
3. Say one swear word a day
And by swear I mean Compliment someone. I think that I do a good job in recognizing people's good traits, but no reason not to get better eh?
So thats the thought portion of my blog.... sorry for the discontinuity.
Today I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and lied in bed for another 45 minutes. I got up and messed around for awhile, then got to campus at 6:30! If you know me at all you know thats as weird as me writing in a blog. So I had always wanted to get one of those omlettes (sp?) from scoreboard grill, but had never been on campus anywhere near the time slotted for breakfast. With this on my mind I headed directly to the cougareat. I was the first one in the entire cougareat! Noone was even open yet. As I waited in front of the vacant Scoreboard Grill, I felt like a groupie of some huge rock band, or maybe like going to a premiere for a movie.... the tension was as thick as one of the Texas Toasts, I was about to consume. So anywho, the meal was poor, but I enjoyed the adventure of it all. So today I am going to take two finals! Count them, TWO! I'll post my results on here so I feel more accountable during my study time. You rip into me if I underacheive.
I may be a fantasy basketball diety.
Oh p.s. I got a date tonight, maybe I can try out my new found communication... now that I think about it, I guess I just stated a problem not really how I was going to solve it... DERG you COMMUNICATION!!!
Mood: Happy as the Carebear with a rainbow on its belly.
..call me ... Happy belly.
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3 comments:
Lol, Adam, you're amazing.
I'm glad you decided you're not too happy. We'd all be a little sad if you started being less cheery :o)
I was very disappointed that you pansied out on the swearing part. Way to get my hopes up and then dash them to pieces.
I loved the blog. Also, I warn you, I am reading this blog. I actually think I recall the occasion when your friend made that comment you paraphrased. Dag! I still think about that and fear having an unsatisfying life that I would never change.
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